Hi, this is Tori from Kick-ass Life with Tori.com
I am a life coach, a mom who wants you to create the life you desire.
Today I am here to talk about online dating.
So people ask me all the time, “I am scared to do online dating. I don’t know how it’s done.”
How? Listen, you smart lady or gentleman, if you know how to use your cell phone, you are almost there to find your love.
But I feel you. When I first signed up on online dating, it was overwhelming as well. Guys were sending me winks, likes and messages. It was just too much.So I quit it after 2 days. I later figured out that it was normal: Every time a new lady signs up, she’ll get a lot of messages because guys are used to seeing the same faces every day, so when they see a new girl for the first time they want to send you messages if they are interested in you.
Anyways, yes it is overwhelming but don’t be scared. Online dating is not creepy or dangerous like some of you might think. There are so many amazing and “normal” men and women like you and me, who simply want to find love. They are not going to find out where you live and stalk you unless you tell them. If you’ve been married for a long time or in a relationship with someone for a while, finding a new boyfriend or girlfriend is scary. I must say dating nowadays is a whole lot different than when we were young. Do not compare the current situation with how things used to be. Think about it. You no longer have to go to the library to borrow books. Or go to a bookstore to buy them. There is nothing, almost nothing you can’t buy online. You can buy shoes online, but I think buying shoes online is a little difficult. It might look perfect but when you feel it, touch it and try it, nothing like what you thought it was. So you have to return it. Same thing applies to online dating. You go through many profiles. First, you see pictures of a person, and you like him and you are interested. Then you click the profile and learn more about this person. If you like what he or she is about, you can send a message or a wink. Then you might get a reply, or you might not. If you did not get a message back, it is totally fine. You were just not what he or she was looking for. Waiting and hoping for the nice, gorgeous man or woman to messages you. Not a good idea. Sometimes when you peek someone’s profile, he or she might notice that you checked them out. So they look at your profile and if they like you, they might message you, otherwise, be proactive. Everyone like to be noticed and complimented. Remember if you didn’t get a reply, it is not rejection. It has nothing to do with you.
I know I don’t have to tell you guys exactly how to do online dating, but here are things you should know that I wish I knew before:
- Post 4 or 5 current pictures that look like you. Not when you were 10 lbs thinner. Or not photoshopped heavily that it doesn’t look like you. No selfie in the cluttered bathroom half naked. Include body shots or at least half your body. A nice smile is definitely a must. Maybe one with your friends when you are having fun doing something you love to do. Pictures speak louder than words. If you don’t have pictures you like, have your friend or mom take a couple of nice ones with natural light. Guaranteed great pictures outside in the shade. Try it.
- Your profile should be simple and easy to read. The second most important thing about your profile is “ About me” section after profile photos. Show them your personality. Don’t pretend to be someone you are not. Tell them what is important to you. You don’t have to say what you are not looking for, or what you don’t want in men. Just say what you are looking for. Nothing negative should be on your profile. You don’t have to say “ If you are looking for just sex, don’t bother messaging me” While you posted a picture of your boobs hanging out of your short tight dress. Trust me. I tested different profiles so many times. Depends on the profile. you will attract different types of people. If you are not sure, read other people’s profiles and study them. But the most importantly, be you. Tell people who you are.
- Age. It is a little tricky. Let’s say you are 49 and look like 40 and you are looking for someone your age or younger, you know you might not show up on their search because they might be looking for age between 35-45, so you put your age as 40. I get that. And a lot of my friends do. But if you say 45 and you are 55, and you look like 55, that is a problem. All I can say is when you start having conversations with someone, tell them how old you are and why you lied about your age. After all, age is nothing but a number. If the person is interested in you, he or she won’t care. Be proud of it!
- Don’t fear rejection.
This is huge. Be ready to get a lot of rejections. Everyone is not going to like you or love you. Take kale for example; some people love eating kale and some hate it, even though kale is good for you. If one person ghosts you, let it go. Be sad for a couple of minutes then move on. You did nothing wrong. Don’t wish you had done this or hadn’t done that. Reasons people ghost are simple: They are no longer interested in you; or they found someone else “better’ or “prettier” or “richer” than you.Remember, not everyone loves cute puppies like you and I do.It’s like when your kid got a new toy and he forgot about his current favorite toy.
Also don’t feel bad to say no. If he or she does not meet your standards, you can say “no thank you”. Don’t just disappear. We don’t like to be left hanging. I know you might feel bad to say no. But just to be fair, if you are no longer wanting to continue, tell them ‘ thank you for your time. I don’t think it works out. Good luck to you” Done. SO you move on, he moves on. So raise your standard. You are a great person you deserve a great partner.
So think online dating as practice. Just know, if you want to be better at dating and want to find a partner you truly desire, failure is necessary. It is a must. Keep practicing and failing.
- Do not expect to find someone to save you.
You already have everything you need, you are perfect the way you are, and you love yourself. But you want to share your life with someone who holds the same value and vibrates the same level as you.
You are not looking for someone to love you or you are scared to be alone the rest of your life, are you?
0.5+0.5=1, but 1+1= 3 is what you want.
You are broke so you are looking for someone to help you pay your rent or buy you nice things in exchange for sex? That sounds terrible. But I see and hear it all the time. You are not excited to see him but he is nice to you so you settle with him? Here is the thing: You want him to be rich and handsome or whatever you seek in a man, look at yourself. Do you offer what it takes to have an amazing man or woman? I am not talking about how much money you make, how good-looking you are. You attract people who vibrate at the same level as you do. Have you ever met someone who has so much energy that they put you in a good mood? The opposite is true as well. Be the person you are looking for in a partner. Trust your intuition. Be honest with yourself. Raise your standard.
So go ahead and experience it. There are so many good people out there looking for you, You need to believe that you can find the one for you.I love to hear from you.
I love to hear from you. Let me know what you thought about this episode. Looking forward to connecting with you. See you next time.